Job performance reviews - Wording at its best!

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance valuations in a large US Corporation:   "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."   "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."   "I would not allow this employee to breed."   "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."   "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."   "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."   "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."   "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."   "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."   "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."   "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."   "He's been working with glue too much."   "He would argue with a signpost."   "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."   "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."   "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."   "A prime candidate for natural deselection."   "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."   "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."   "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."   "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."   "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."