14 things a man can do at K-Mart ... while his missus is taking her sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Home-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies rest-room.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: "Code 3 in House wares!" and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-by.

6. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department -- and tell other shoppers you're sleeping over; invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me ALONE!?!?!?!?"

9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

11. In the Auto Department, practice your "Madonna look" using different sized funnels.

12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the foetal position and scream "NOOOOOOOOOOO! It's those voices again!!!"

And last but not least:

14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while, then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"

Please enjoy YOUR next visit to K-Mart

>>Peace