Woolworths, the innovative supermarket: Now using computers!

Shop at Woolies!!!

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind

 him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

 "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money, Mike replies.

 "There's a diagnostic computer down at Woolworth's. Just give it a

 urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to

 do about it. It takes 10 seconds and costs $20.00 .... a lot quicker

 than a doctor."

 So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Woolies.

 He puts up $20.00, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine

 sample.

 He pours the sample into the slot and waits, 10 seconds later, the

 computer ejects a printout.

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy

 activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Woolies."

 That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe

 began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap

 water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and

 daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to

 Woolies, eager to check the results. He deposits $20.00, pours in his

 concoction, and awaits the results.

 The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. get a water softener. (Aisle 9).

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo (Aisle 7).

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer (1st

floor).

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get

better.

6. Thank you for shopping @ Woolies