The Stella Awards

The 'Stellas' are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled

coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired

the Stella awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the

United States. Unfortunately, the most recent lawsuit implicating

McDonald's, the teen's who allege that eating at McDonald's has made

them fat, was filed after the 2002 award voting was closed. This suit

will top the 2003 list without question.

Here are this year's winners:

5th Place (tie)

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of

her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was

running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were

understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving

little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

5th Place (tie)

19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses

when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr Truman

apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when

he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place (tie)

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had

just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the

garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.

He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and

garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and

Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He

subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.

He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him

undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical

expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour's

beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award

was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just

a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the

fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,

Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her

coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had

thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a

night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window

to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while

Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to

avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental

expenses.

1st Place

This year's run away winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,

Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor

home. On his first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven

onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left

the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee.

Not surprisingly, the R. V. left the freeway, crashed and overturned.

Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual

that he couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus

a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the

basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons

buying recreation vehicles.