May. 27, 2005 - They shoot more out that ping pong balls in Thailand.
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I know Ive already got this is a blog, but if you want more than bullet points, HERE YOU GO!
THE PING PONG SHOW IN THAILAND
As demonstrated in Priscilla Queen of the Desert, a girl potentially, with the right training, can propel a ping pong ball across a decent sized room. Bangkok is notorious for having strip bars where girls perform such a task among other things. My friends and I decided that we most definitely wanted to get along to one of these and see just how underutilized our marys were.
My friends and I went to the red light district of Bangkok. We started off at a bar where we had a few coke and Sangsoms. Sangsom is their national whisky which is 80% alcohol plus amphetamines. It reduced my friends and I to giggling morons (well more so than usual) and makes everything seem a bit surreal.
Eventually we decided to leave the bar and stroll along the markets while being approached by employees of the strip clubs
PING PONG SHOW ONE HUDRED BAHT PLUS FREE DRINK
and then another one would come over and shout louder than the other one
I LET ALL IN FOR 350BAHT
and so on and so forth. What we found amusing were the actual names of the clubs Super Pussy and Pussy Galore are 2 that spring to mind. It would seem that Pussy is an internationally recognized word and is often the most defined and identified word yelled along these streets.
We finally decided on one called "Pussy Universe" and were escorted into a very dark club with a lit up stage and tables/seats around its perimeter. Along the back of the stage there are 3 poles where 3 lady boys (these werent discrete lady boys- rude heads I tell you). We continued to drink Sangsom and settled in a little more.
Suddenly the music stopped, a male voice announced something in Thai (or incomprehensible English
.we never will know) and suddenly the stage was flooded with colourful lights. A lady walks up the stairs and waves out the crowd. She is completely naked, carrying a small bucket and tube. We then notice another woman in a bikini walking around holding up a balloon and speaking to a bunch of English guys who are sitting near us. After some negotiations, one of the lads is standing about 1½ metres from the stage and holding this balloon up. The woman on stage drops to the floor, spreads her legs, holds up the tube the inserts it. She then pulls something out of the small basket. Its a dart. She proceeds to load the dart into the tube and tenses. She shoots, she misses. Now while this woman had some mad muscular control going on, her precision left something to be desired. After several attempts she bursts the balloon. Once her mission is complete, she removes the tube, grabs her basket and departs from the stage.
Again, the male voice is heard, the lights flood the stage and another girl strides up the stairs holding a big scrap book and the largest crayon I have ever seen. It is about a metre long. She grins and waves around the crowd. She spies my girlfriends and I and says
Where you from?
Australia
Gday mate! with an enthusiastic giggle and smile, she places the scrap book on the floor and squats over it rather like a sumo wrestler. She then sticks the giant crayon up her hoo haa and bends a little lower until it makes contact with the page. She places a hand on the floor for some extra balance and proceeds to move her hips around erratically. After a minute or so of this, she stands up, pulls the crayon out, picks the book up and holds it up so the audience can see. HELLO AUSTRALIA! We clapped and cheered loudly but reluctantly. We werent entirely sure what the corrected etiquette was whilst in a strip club and a performer writes hello to you with her clacker. It appeared we chose the correct option as her smile widened and she collected her apparatus and departed.
Next a naked lady comes on and she is walking rather strangely. Sort of like she had boy parts that she was trying not to damage. After a little while she drops to the flow, pulls a face like she is doing a shit and widens her legs a little more. She then uses her hands to make her opening a little larger, when all of a sudden there is something moving from within. After a few more moments it takes flight and flies out of her punani. It was a budgie. That certainly redefined the term Budgie smuggling for me. She smiles at her applause and general sense of disbelief among the place and departs.
The male voice resonates, a woman appears wearing a bikini top, some bangles and holding a set of chopsticks. She does a seductive dance then removes the bangles and places them on the floor. She then bends so her legs are at a right angle and inserts the chopsticks in. She waddles over to one of the bangles, squats lower and starts to move the chopsticks. This absolutely blew me away. I struggle to use chopsticks with my hands. Girl got skills. Respect. Obviously there were some failed attempts but she soon enough had all the bangles back on her wrist, the chopsticks in her hair and was taking a bow.
The next girl came on and started to dance about the stage making full use of the poles (gestures, rubbing etc). As she is dancing in front of the pommy blokes she is sure to give them a complete view and is happy doing this until she clicks her fingers and motions at someone towards the bar. Another woman comes on stage and hands her an unopened beer bottle and leaves. She holds the base of the beer bottle so it is pointing at one of the English guys. He approaches the stage and accepts it. After some communication he holds the beer bottle upside down at the audience to demonstrate it is not open, then he holds it flat on the stage and she squats down on it. Her face demonstrates extreme concentration, her body tenses and she twists slightly. She stands up straight, puts her legs at shoulder length apart and lets the beer lid drop out and then smiles at the English guy till he takes a sip walks back to his friends. The girl leaves the stage, a man comes on with rubber gloves and spray n wipe and gives the pole a wipe over.
The next lady bounds enthusiastically up the stairs and displays her lit candle. She then does a little dance dripping hot wax on herself while the song The final countdown is heard. When ever my friends and I wanted a lighter for the rest of the holiday we would sing this song. She left then stage and then a naked woman came on, danced around for a bit then did what seemed to be a break dancing move that finished up with her on her side with her legs apart. She puts her fingers in and acts pleasantly surprised. With a small tug we see something glowing (anymore live animals we wonder?) and it gradually becomes longer. It is like a glowstick but in rope form. She pulls about a metre out then does a dance around the stage make full use of the poles and leaving little to the imagination. With one leg placed above her head on the pole, she takes hold of the rope and continues to pull. Out comes another metre of it and another. Soon enough the entire thing is out and after a little skipping with it, she leaves the stage.
Some more music is played and a lady comes on and dances joyously around the stage holding a horn to some Destinys Child. After a little while she lies on the stage, legs apart, the music dies and we hear a HONK HONK. I thought this was so funny and it took me about 5minutes to stop laughing. She danced around a bit more, honked and few more times and then left.
Next came a very skinny, boney looking Thai woman. She danced around for a little while again using the poles and her own flexibility to ensure no page was left unturned. She copies her colleague and places one leg up on the pole and begins to pull something out. My friends and I cant make out what it is. She soon stops and lies down on the floor near us and we see it is a string of pins. She gets it caught a few times but eventually pulls the entire length out.
Soon enough the Sangsom was completely worn off and we decided to call it a night. We took a tuk tuk (motorized tricycle) home and through discussion marveled at Thai womans supersonic Bettys. Such little women, so much pussy power.
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