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Jul. 21, 2005 - Those little things...........

Well it's been a while since I last let loose in blog-land. No time I tell you!

 

POINTLESS ANECTDOTE #1

Today on the train, my brother and I sat going backwards facing the rest of the carriage. There was a guy in a suit sitting down opposite us. Soon another lady in corporate attire boarded the train and on seeing the man, walked over to him,

"Hi Bob! How are you?"

"Good thanks, Mary! Fancy seeing you here. How are you?"

"I've very well thank you"

"So where are you off to?"

 

OK buddy, let's think this through.....she's in a suit, it's 830am, she's on a train heading into the city........

 

"Umm Im going to work".

 

POINTLESS ANECDOTE #2

I was ordering a juice at Boost a couple of weeks ago and the overly-cheesy dude behind the counter asks what my name is

"Elissa"

"Lisa?"

"No ELISSA"

"OK, good looking, you just wait over there and we will give you a call as soon as its ready, Eliza".

 

What a fucking spare. Worst attempt at being smooth I have ever witnessed. I couldnt help but laugh.

 

POINTLESS ANECDOTE #3

A couple of weeks ago I had gotten home on Sunday having spent the Saturday night at a friend's place and I asked my Mum what she had done the night before

"Oh Dad and I watched the Ray Charles CD"

With that my Dad butted in with "Your mother means we watched the 'RAY' DVD"

 

POINTLESS ANECDOTE #4.

While in Melbourne, my friend and I decided we had better attend an AFL game. So we went to the one that was on last Friday night at the MCG, Collingwood vs Essendon. I was so excited about the outing that earlier in the afternoon whilst out shopping (2 pairs of shoes, 4 tops and a necklace later....whoopsie) I bought my friend and I a Magpies Scarf.

Another thpecial friend had informed me it was to be a fairly big game of the season, so Clare and I thought it best if we arrive early to be on the safe side. At 5.45we had our tickets in hand and thought we may as well head up to get good seats. There we had it, an empty MCG. We sat down, looked at our watches, 5.50pm....one hour and fifty minutes until the game started. Right. Alcohol. The bar opened at 6pm. So we both called our parents to let them know we were still safe and enjoying ourselves. 6pm. Bars opened. First round bought by 6.05pm.

We actually really enjoyed sitting back and watching as this enormous stadium slowly filled with avid AFL supporters while putting away a few chardy's that were stylishly served in plastic cups.

Clare and I soon began to notice something as we sat their in our pink overcoats and magpies scarves.....it had something to do with STICKING OUT LIKE SORE THUMBS. Man after man poured in with kids and sometimes an equally masculine looking wife in toe.

Before we knew it, a whistle was blown, yells were heard and the game had begun. We had started chatting to the guy next to us prior to the commencement of the game who very politely ran us through the basic rules. We had chatted about the Olympics, Melbourne and other civilised topics but 5 minutes into the game he bellowed

"YOU FUCKING MAGGOT, SCOTT MC CLAREN, I WANT TO CHOP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OF AND TAKE A FUCKING DUMP IN YOUR NECK"

...and then from behind us

"THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT YOU STUPID PRICK, I KNOW WHERE YOU WORK AND IM GOING TO SMEAR DOGSHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE IF YOU MAKE ANOTHER CALL LIKE THAT....."

Oh yes, the game had begun. Clare who is almost a school teacher turned to me looking concerned and said "The guy behind us has 3 little kids under 10 years with him. He's really setting a good example!"

"CARN THE FARKING PIESSSSS" yelled the eldest daughter which was followed by a pat on the back by Dad. I cracked up.

Slowly Clare and I got more and more 'relaxed' and I soon realised that the profanities was falling out of my mouth at every dodgy passing of the ball. Soon we made friends with the guy behind us who had previously threatened to smear canine excrement over the umpire's place of work.

"These Sydney girls in front of us have the right idea, get pissed and forget about THAT FUCKING SHITHOUSE UMPIRING. RAY CHARLES COULD DO A BETTER JOB YOU MORON, MC CLAREN!!!!"

By about 9.30 Clare and I were well and truly pissed and I found myself up and yelling with the blokes around us. After Collingwood scored a goal I yelled "CARN THE PIES" and with that the guy behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to yell that into his phone with an Essendon supporter on the other end. I obliged out of fear that if I didnt he would find my hotel and smear dog turd all over the walls and my new shoes.

 

The night got more and more blurry but I know for sure that this was one of the highlights of Melbourne. So much fun to be able to yell dirty things out and it to be totally normal. Plus I love the vibe of sports stadiums with a packed crowd. Always reminds me of the Sydney Olympics.

 

 

Hmmm have a cup of That's Nice Dear.

 

 


Jul. 21, 2005 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Warren G
Yeah I agree Lizzie, I hate when they call out my name wrong at Boost :p
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Jul. 21, 2005 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Lissie
You have balls, Wendell.
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Jul. 22, 2005 - CARN THE PIES!!!!

Posted by nettsu
*laughs*

what a crack up...

i hate afl...
that is all
Permanent Link

Jul. 24, 2005 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Andrew Wowk
I love football games. The one place you can act like a complete social fuckwit and be applauded for it!
Permanent Link

Jul. 26, 2005 - Untitled Comment

Posted by chris_e_fresh
love your blog never read one before except hunters and she is just psycho boz lover
Permanent Link

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