Oct. 10, 2005 - Punani Preoccupations.
Tonight my basketball team played a kick-arse game! Our team is called the Pussyfoots (people laugh at the name but they laugh harder when I tell them that I really really really wanted to be called The Camel Toes....my team mates thought it was too crude  .)
Anyway, it was nearing half time, we had no subs, we were tired and we were all starting to get a bit messy...not keeping on a player, throwing the ball away etc. The other team had just scored and one of my team mates went to the bassline to take the throw. I decided we were in need of some verbal inspiration, so I gathered my words in my hands, balled them and threw them across the court. Everyone began laughing at what I had said and I couldn't figure out why at first....then it clicked,
"TIGHTEN UP, PUSSIES!"
One day at work, my Mum was working in endoscopy. Her and her colleagues were huddled around the bare-rear of a semi-sedated man chatting away. A doctor began telling the other theatre staff about how her daughter was on a current affairs program the night before. They had been doing a story about when youths lose their virginity. Her daughter had been interviewed because of her strong support for hanging on to her V-plates til she was prepared to shed them for a special guy. Not necessarily a husband. Just a special guy, a little later in life. The reporter interviewed her daughter who remained seemingly mature beyond her 15years by noting her existing self-respect, her lack of need to follow the crowd and her philosophical approach that she still had plenty of time for sex, she was only young afterall.
The doctor described how as she had sat proud as punch of her daughter's public articulation of such admiral values, the reporter began to wind the show down. He wished the viewers good night. The doctor waited expectantly for the credits to roll. But they did not. Suddenly there was a close-up of her daughters smiling face on the screen. She quickly tapped her chest with the flat of her fist and delivered a final piece of her mind
"STAY TIGHT!"
Another day after work, my Mum came home chuckling away to herself.
"What's so funny, Mum?"
"Oh one of the female doctors I work with told me something very very funny. Crude but funny".
Naturally my ears pricked up at such a description and I prodded my mother for the scoop
"Well," Mum said in between giggles, "the doctor was saying how she does her daughter's washing and puts it away for her a couple of times a week. When she has put the daughters underpants away, she goes and tells her 'You have fresh underpants in your dresser. Sunnyside up' ". With that Mum covered her mouth as she burst into laughter shaking her head. I stood there puzzled.
"I don't get it"
Mum's chortles slowly subsided and she started and stopped a few sentences, searching for the perfect description.
"Hmm put it this way, I think her daughter wears white underpants".
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