Dec. 6, 2005 - Gonna wash that man right outta my hair!

It had been a grand old night at HOME Nightclub in Sydney. For those of you who aren't from around these parts, HOME is the place where the girl shat herself in the DJ booth. On the weekend the Renaissance Summer Ball was being held with Nick Fanciulli, James Zabiela and Sasha headlining the bash. After a solid seven or so hours of partying my tooshy off, my friend Lisa and I decide its probably best to depart before it all gets a little messy (because it wasn't already).

So we walk out of the club and who should I see? 2 of the funniest guys I know. Two Irish lads by the names of Stu and Ray. It is worthwhile noting, that Stu is no stranger to my blog. He is the master of the "Upsidedown Gurn" as featured in an earlier edition of "The Best of 'Gurner of the Month'". They are the guys behind Bodytonic and Plunge (with the help of my bro Synik and Husky). I walk out and say hello in the bright morning sun. They have just gotten out of bed, fresh as a daisy ready to hand out fliers for their party. Meanwhile I am looking like I'm about to chew my own face off. Kindly, Ray gives me his glasses while we stand there chatting away.

I decide that this is the ideal time to tell them my theory on squatting (I seemed to be telling everyone this theory that morning. Unfortunately, most people thought I meant squatting whilst going to the toilet when really I didnt mean that at all. I was thinking more along the lines of squatting while doing the gardening or putting the shopping away in the lower shelves on the pantry.). Its really not that interesting and is probably a theory that could have been left out of conversation, but my quality-filter tends to switch off on big nights. In short, 2 sorts of squats: Asians do it with their feet flat on the ground and legs further apart (the "Flat Foot Squat") while most others seem to do it with the heel of the ground and legs closer together. Im very happy that my ability to demonstrate has been removed thanks to the internet.

So Im standing around talking utter shit to these two poor lads when this guy walks out. He is wearing a white, collared shirt with some English football team and is drunk as a skunk. Im trying to think of the best way to describe him. Basically, if someone could embody the word 'slob', it would be him. He strolls up to me with a pretty blonde girl in toe. He starts chatting to me and soon moves in for a hug and then tries to kiss me. I wriggle away in disgust and he gets the shits. Jeeeeeese bit of a suprise that a girl doesnt feel like pashing you in front of a nightclub. What a bitch eh? After he gets the shits I say "Hmm you're a bit strange aren't you" and with that he goes "You're really evil. You even look evil. Look at you, you have teeth like the Incredible Hulk". With that I burst out laughing because seriously, thats a pretty funny call. Fortunately, Im fairly secure with the appearance of my teeth (phew!). At this point he is getting really worked up and starts yelling more abuse while I walk away. After about 10 minutes of consoling from the blonde girl, he gets into a cab. What a tit! Call me old fashioned, but the idea of kissing some drunk minger who has walked out of a club at 6am doesn't really appeal to me. Maybe Im frigid.....

Some time passes and I wander off to chat to some other friends who are nearby. I walk back over to find Stu with this astounded look on his face while Ray stands therecacking himself

STU: You will never guess what we just saw!

ME: What? What did you see?

STU: Well this girl was walking out of the club and as she is walking down the stairs she touches her hair and this look of absolute disgust washes over her face

ME: Why what was in her hair?

STU: A big load of come! I burst out laughing and she looked up and saw me and looked as if she was about to cry. So she ran off towards the taxi rank.

Now, the girl seemed to know where the hot DNA came from but was more suprised that she had it as a passenger. This raises several issues for me.

1.  If she had gotten down and dirty with a guy in a club and given him gobby or some such thing, how could you not notice him blowing in your hair? The moral of this story to all the ladies is, ALWAYS know where that stuff goes, otherwise you too could be walking out of a club one day and suddenly realise you have a web of manclag in your do.

2. If you were the guy who did it, there is NO FUCKING WAY you would tell her. The only option would be to round your mates up and point out your achievement that is still very much attached to your blower's hair. You could even start a competition among the lads of who's girl took the longest time to realise. Everyone likes a challenge and there would be several inbuilt ones in such a competition like a) Find a random girl who is slutty enough to give you a blowie in a club    b) Find a girl who is dumb enough not to notice your spoof is all caught up in her hair     c)  Find a girl who is unobservant enough to not notice for the longest period of time.    Voila, you are the champion!

Dec. 6, 2005 - lol mega lol

Dec. 6, 2005 - Untitled Comment

Dec. 6, 2005 - flashback!

Dec. 6, 2005 - Untitled Comment

Dec. 8, 2005 - Untitled Comment

Dec. 23, 2005 - Untitled Comment

Jan. 30, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Mar. 20, 2006 - -