Mar. 21, 2006 - Why not? (Part 1)
Hi I would like to introduce myself....I'm hyperactivity! NICE TO MEET YOU AND YOUR SOCKS!
I was just a very good student in class. Usually I'm too bashful to speak up in my lectures. The thought of 300 peoples eyes on me is just a little too much.....until tonight. I was actually a smart kid for a change....I knew shit about government schemes (in relation to superannuation incentives) and the effect globalisation has had on retail. It's shit that has been drilled into me for the past 7 years but thats besides the point!
So when we were in Laos Amy and I went to the dopest place in the world, called Vang Vieng. This is, hands down, one of my favourite places I have ever been to. Laos is such a gorgeous country. Their capital city only has 4 roads that are non-dirt. The people are unbelievably friendly and they have Beer Laos. Did you know that Carlsberg bought 48% of the shares for Beer Laos? This obviously meant they gained control of the company and so they sent their 'brewing experts' into Laos to update/alter their procedures to ensure they were up to world standards. Soon after arriving, the ex-pats had to turn around, come back and admit that the Laotians had a brewing technique that was superior to their European counterparts. Cop that you colonialist buttheads!
We arrived there by bus in the afternoon and chilled out for a while. We wandered down to the river and went for a swim. Just to give you an idea, this is what Vang Vieng looks like:
After relaxing for a while we decided that we wanted some Mushrooms of the magic variety. We wandered along the river using the haphazardly built bridges
Eventually we came to a bar. Now a bar over here sort of means little huts on the river, that has a physical bar close by. There is music playing and when we were there, there weren't many people. You can see bars in this picture on the other side of the bridge
We notice a place called the Smile Bar, then notice the neon magic mushroom that is next to the entrance for the bar. I guess we'll try here! We order a mushroom shake each. I ordered it to be mixed wiht banana, so essentially it tastes like banana, dirt and mushrooms. We go and chillax in one of the huts, doing what we do best- swinging in hammocks. Nothing can be wrong in the world when I'm in a hammock.
We waited there for some time until we concluded that our shroom shakes had done sweet fuck all.
So we wandered off towards the main part of Vang Vieng (there is one main street that is a bit up from the river with travel agents and some restaurants).
As we paroled along the road we notice a restaurant called "Special Happy Shakes" and it has magic mushrooms painted all over the walls. We are served by a smiling, stoner and we order another shake each and a mushroom pizza. Does this seem like a lot to you? If you are thinking "Yes, Liss, you complete moron, it sounds like far too much" ....then you would be 100% right! CONGRATULATIONS! YOU WIN TICKETS TO THE MOON!
After a while it suddenly feel like a speaker has just come and sat right next to my ear "WOW! Did someone just turn up the volume?" Amy gives me a wierd look "No, Liss....its the same volume". Soon I start to play with my wallet and conclude that its ready to go.
As we're walking along I see a dog (now just a brief explanation, last year whilst in Thailand, I thought I was able to communicate with this dog. When he barked it sounded like he was going "Aroooka aroooooka" and so I called him Mr Arooka. He hung around us all night and I thought he was my guardian angel in canine form....I also happened to have had magic mushrooms that night as well). So when I see this dog it's like seeing an old friend
"Mr Arooka!" I exclaim! The dog looks up, appears to smile (I secretly wait for him to say "Lissie! It's been a while") and trots over to me. As this happens some Irish girls from our bus earlier that day walk past and say hello. Well of course I can't quite muster a "hello" back and instead make a strange noise then start giggling hysterically. Amy and I wander some more along the street before we turn around and come back......only this time when we pass the Irish girls I am in a full blown conversation with Mr Arooka.
Amy and I decide to head back to the place wiht the hammocks. This requires having some sense of direction. We go on a bit of a losty but eventually we get there. It takes us a while to figure out how to get into the hammocks. We try head first and then elbow first and finally we manage some how.
We sit there talking complete shit as the hallucinogens slowly trickle down and drench every molecule of sanity.......
When I closed my eyes, it was as though my eyelids were the screen of a poker machine, only each little square was filled with a different story and I could pick which one I wanted to go into. I chose one with a giant grey phone....it was like a charcoal drawing wiht beautiful shadowing, then it slid into a more digital image and finally it sucked up and into my ear. That's when I said "Amy....I can hear textures!"
I look over at Amy and she is smiling at me with this crazed look. She turns her head and goes "Check out those lights over there man"....I look over and stare for a few minutes while experimenting what it feels like to make different noises with my mouth. The sound shoots out and fills the air around me and then vanishes into nothing. I look back at Amy....I can see her legs and arms and body but I can't see her head.
"Ams, I can't see your head"
"I feel like meditating"
"OK, you meditate and I will try and figure out where your head is". I spend a solid couple of minutes (I think...only I had no concept of time) and eventually she turns her head to say something to me and THERE IT IS!
"Liss, my hammock is bad"
"Why is it bad, Amy?"
"Well....well....it's bad because its not good". Of course...excellent description.
We stay in the hammocks for quite some time...I think. While hanging there our conversation is absurd. Nothing more nothing less. I also decide to empty a litre bottle of water on myself....it feels good! I begin wonder if Amy and I were Snugglepot and Cuddlepie in our previous lives. It actually makes perfect sense.
After a while, we get cold and decide we want to go back to the hotel room. Also, the place we're at is playing hang-twang country and western and I just can't stand it. As we are walking towards the bridge Mirwais "Miss You" comes on. We both love this song. Without saying a word, Amy and I wander back to where the speaker is and proceed to "dance" (would have been an interesting sight) while the group of people sitting around a bonfire nearby watch us. The owners are cacking themselves because they're stoned and because they know we're on another planet.
When we get back to the room, Amy and I decide we want to listen to music on our iPods. I listen to a range of music and eventually settle on a Desyn Masiello mix (same as Amy!). I keep wondering if he actually made this mix specifically for people on magic mushrooms. All the cool noises and details of every track seem to start off a whole other bizarre srteam of images on the inside of my mind. It's like Cinema for the deranged on the back of my eyelids. I think about trying to write a letter to Desyn explaining just how fucking awesome his mix really is. It doesn't occur to me that this could be classed as slighty psycho behaviour.....having someone's music spark off trips in my head.
"Hey Liss! You HAVE to listen to this track," I slide off my bed onto the floor, then lift myself up so I'm kneeling with my elbows up on Amy's bed. She gives me an ear of her head phones and presses play. Some music starts and there is a lady's voice. I look over and Amy and her mouth opens .....the voice which is now hers becomes dark and acidy, Amy pulls a strained face as the voice fuses into a filtered noise. Amy looks at me and goes "OMG WHAT?? Liss do you realise what you're doing?"
"What am I doing?"
"You are looking at me like I have a gun to your head and are threatening to pull the trigger"
"I was just wondering how you were making that voice"
"Are you serious? It was from the iPod we're listening to and I was mouthing the words"
"Oooooh"
We both start laughing hysterically again. 2nd attempt, Amy gives me the earpiece and we start listening to the track. It is beautiful and full of wonderful noises. When it ends Amy goes
"How cool were the curtains?"
"The curtains?"
"Yeah, you were supposed to be looking at the curtains. They look like fish swimming in a stream"
So we listen to it again and this time I do watch the curtains and the pattern does look like fish swimming in a stream because of the breeze blowing the blinds.
After a while Amy turns the lights off. I start to get paranoid that while someone is on magic mushrooms they are able to go into their brain and switch off the part that makes them remember to breathe. I start to think that if I go to sleep, my body isn't going to remember to breathe. The music is starting to sound dark and scary and because its absorbing any sound that I hear, I start to feel suffocated. I go over and turn the light back on
"What's wrong, Liss?"
"I'm worried if I fall asleep I will forget to breathe....can we keep the light on? I'm scared".
I lie there while the flourescent light blinds me trying to convince myself that I'm straightening up. I look at the roof of the wall and it dissolves into the chocolate river out of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Right. That didn't work. I look at my hand and try to focus on it to look normal. It works for several seconds until it breaks into little parts and flies up towards the roof.....I close my eyes and see a navy sky peppered with stars as I watch myself flying through it passing cardboard-cut-out moons like in the Smashing Pumpkins film clip. I open my eyes and look over enviously at Amy who is lying, star-fished on her bed with a cheeky smile and her eyes closed. She is in her element. I am boiling hot and have been getting up to wash my face in cold water every couple of minutes. I go again for another round.
I lie there trying to relax for a while. With no music, the stillness of the air is deafening and disturbing. I try putting one of my headphones in and put on some Enya. She calms me down a little. Eventually I turn off the light and lie on my bed. If I lie on my back, I feel like my air passage is being cut off and I will most definitely forget to breathe. So I lie on my stomach....but then my lungs feel like they're squashed. I lie on my side and finally feel comfortable.
For the next 30 .....60.....90 minutes...who knows? I lie there and have to remind myself to physically relax my muscles and that I will remember to breathe when I go to sleeep. As paranoid thoughts begin to creep back into my head.....RELAX TAKE A DEEP BREATH RELAX......I tell myself. But what if I have switched off that part of my brain that says to breathe and I can't get........RELAX TAKE A DEEP BREATH RELAX...... but what if we run out of water in the night and I cant drink the water from the sink........RELAX TAKE A DEEP BREATH RELAX........and so on and so forth. I wanted to take a sleeping tablet but feared this might completely wipe out any chance I might have had of remembering to breath.
Eventually I fall asleep.
It is only after a night like this that you can truly understand the brilliance of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas".
[Edit: I put the Tale of the Tubes into another blog so this one wasn't so long]
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