Mar. 22, 2006 - Why not? (Part 2)

So we go to the shop, pay about $5, which included tube hiring and a lift a couple of km's up the road where we would start our tubing adventure. Soon we found ourselves floating along the crystal clear, clean water. Because it was dry season, the water was fairly shallow and you occasionally brushed rocks with your tooshy (it didn't hurt because you float so slowly).

Soon we notice the water has gotten a lot deeper and that there is a construction up on our left. It is a platform made out of bamboo. There is a guy with a long stick waving at us. We paddle with our hands til we reach the stick and he pulls us in, takes our tyres and gives us a hand up on the rocks. We climb up the rocks to the bamboo platform where a man offers us a long neck of Beer Laos which costs us $1. We start chatting to people and watch as a girl climbs up little planks of wood that are nailed into the trunk of a tree just down from the platform. A man is waiting up the top and hands the girl a flying fox. She looks down to the water which is about a 10metre drop, takes a deep breaths and jumps. She sails along and then lets go and flies into the water below. Amy and I both have a turn.....unfortunately landing in the water from that distance makes a mockery of a bikini top. Rule #1: Put the girls away before surfacing.

Amy and I decide to carry on along the way. We float past some American guys and have a chat to them while lying back and enjoying the beautiful mountains to our right and cold Beer Laos in our left hand. Ahhh this is the life.

Soon we see another bar coming up only this one has about 7 platforms and a lot more people. The flying fox at this one is about 15-20metres high up in a tree and instead of gliding along, the swing also drops and allows you to spring up really high. There are mainly guys going off it who are doing backflips and other things to show off. That thing is waaaayy too high for this little black duck.

We settle down with some fresh beers and meet a nice guy and girl from Israel and Thailand who are travelling together. We chat about where we have been travelling and are getting along really well. We continue to drink there for another hour or two until Amy and I are pretty well pissed.

We get another Beer Laos for the road (river) and paddle off on our way.

After about 15minutes of floating along and chatting to various drunk people on the way, we see two Laotian guys standing on the side of the river

"You like to smoke?"

Ams and I start paddling.

When we get to where the guys are, we purchase and enormous spliff for about $1 and waste no time in sparking that mofo.

About 5minutes later, Amy and I are floating along in our tubes and are completely and utterly spastic. We both get little elements of the trip from last nights. Textures have a little bit more detail and change once in a while and the feeling of the water on our bodies isn't quite normal. Our conversation becomes increasingly stupid and blended with giggles that are driven by sheer sillyness. We pass several bars and we vaguely hear an echoing voice asking us to come there. We yell something irrelevant back and continue along.

The sun has sneaked away behind the mountains and its starting to get cooler in the water. Soon Amy and I find ourselves looking at each other as we perch in our tubes, completely stationery. Several moments of confusion and then we realise we are caught on some rocks. The water is only about ankle deep so we pick up our tubes and walk along looking for where the water deepens. We begin floating again and I see some rocks that are jutting out fo the water uphead "I should probably avoid them" I think to myself. I begin to feebly paddle with my hands but find myself not gonig anywhere. For about a minute I know that I am heading straight for the rocks and I just sort of look at them and wonder if they will move by themselves if I ask them too. They don't.....my ass meets the rocks, my legs go in the air and I sit there poised wondering what to do next. A kiyak appears out of no where and there are two people inside it laughing at me

"I think you're supposed to avoid the rocks"

"Yeah I was thinking the same thing! I was sort of hoping they would move by themselves, though. Hey how much further is it until Vang Vieng?"

"Oh at least another 3 hours. Probably 4".

I am battling with having to paddle this thing around rocks and walking across shallow parts. I divorce my ass from the rocks and call out to Amy. She paddles backwards and as I get close she goes

"Man, this is so much effort. Do you think it's much further?"

"I just spoke to those people and apparently its another 3-4 hours!"

"Oh shit!"

We see a bar up ahead with an enormous sign that says "Tuk-tuk". Finally we're gripping onto the stick and being pulled in to the platform. Its very deep here and I somehow manage to pull myself up onto the platform on my first attempt. It's good to know that all those years in the swimming squad were for a reason. I take my sunnies off, wipe my face and stand up.

"Tuk tuk?" I say to the man. He starts laughing and yells something up what seems like a cliff face. It's not really....its just a steep hill but coordinating ourselves to get up it isn't as simple. I fall over twice- once because I'm just a stoned/drunk imbecile and the second time because I'm laughing so much and my legs give way. We jump in the back of the tuk-tuk, drive off and I realise I dont have my sunnies. Meh too much effort to go back. After about a minute of driving we are back at Vang Vieng.

"Not far?" we say to the driver

"Yes very very close" he says.

We got had by those pricks in the kayak! Ahh jokes on us. It would have been like another 45mins tops rather than 3-4 hours.

OK, so just to clarify, Amy and I had a task: To float in a rubber tube, along a beautiful river until we arrived back in town. It doesn't sound so tough, does it? And we still didn't manage to finish....hahahaha USELESS!

We head straight for a restaurant and go nuts because we realise we havent eaten since this morning and its now 6pm. We sit there as our giggling-stoned becomes a comatose-lazy-stoned and before we know it, the credits for Bad Boys II are rolling. We have been there for over 2 hours. Amy turns to me and asks,

"You up for some magic mushrooms?"

I think about this. My head has copped a bit of a beating and I don't know if it's got the power for another crazy-ass trip. We wander back to the restaurant we went to last night and Amy orders a mushroom shake. I remind myself that variety is the spice of life and order a "Mr O's Hot Tea". Mr O is opium. It comes floating in a cup of hot water with a Lipton tea bag and 2 sugars which I add. I have a sip and gag at the putrid taste. It automatically turns my mouth into a cats bum and I painstakingly consume the cup over the next 30mins. Meanwhile Amy's mushroom shake has arrived. She passes me a small mushroom that is floating on the top and I think "Why not".

While we are sitting there, a guy who is sitting on the cushioned area behind us says

"Hey have you guys had magic mushrooms here?"

"Yeah we had them last night. They're awesome".

"How did you have them?"

"We got a pizza and a shake each"

"Holy shit that sounds like a lot"

"Yeah you probably don't need that much".

A little while later, a girl from Germany leaves her boyfriend at their table and cushions and comes over to where Amy and I are,

"Excuse me, sorry to disturb you but I was wondering if that was a mushroom shake," she says pointing at Amy's emptying glass.

"Yep it is"

"Have you had them before here?"

"Yeah we had them last night....." and have the exact same conversation we had with the other dude earlier. We convince her to order a shake for her and her bf.

A little while later an Aussie guy walks over to our cushions and says

"Hey have you guys had the mushrooms here"

Seriously....we must have been putting out the vibe or something because about 5 different groups of people asked us about the mushrooms. We should have been getting commission or something.

The Aussie dude and his 2 English mates come and join us. Slowly, the most serene, beautiful, calm, happy feeling washes over me. Amy asks if I'm OK and I look at her and say softly "I'm amazing".

Amy gets a little bit special from the shake but nothing like last night. She is bursting with energy and I am about as mellow as they come. Anymore mellow and I would be in rewind.

The 5 of us headback to the place with the hammocks where the guys all order an opium tea after they have a look at me and hear me trying to describe how I'm feeling. They begin to pass around a spliff. They offer it to me....."Why not?".

After a while, Amy and I get cold and we say good night to the guys and leave.

We get home and I lie in my bed while Amy periodically opens her eyes, sits bolt upright and yells out the most random goddamn things I've ever heard in my life.

"Are you cool?" I ask her. She shoots me a cheeky grin and lies down again. A pig in shit.

We fall asleep and draw to a close the most spectacularly crazy 24 hours of my life....