Latest Poem for Critique - Rough Draft

INSIDE THE BRAIN OF THE AFFLICTED

Crown of thorns upon my head

I wish it was, I wish I bled

These wounds of mine aren’t deep enough

I crave the pain, I need to suffer

Agony my ecstasy

The drug I need to let me live

Not pure evil

But blissful in hell

Fatally flawed and

Comfortably unwell

I seek the darkness

In spite of the light

I need to be hated

I need a plight

Morbid self-abuse is pusillanimous

Real pain can’t be manufactured

Only earned

And I’m not in the stratosphere

Of eternal purgatory

Not so much fucked in the head

But fucked of heart and soul

Self-pitying monologues are no recommendation

Even in the mind of the afflicted

The more it hurts

The better it feels

The deeper the cut

The longer to heal

Physical proof

Of my mind’s pain

I need to see

Else go insane

I need that reference

I need to sight

Those jagged scars

That puncture my night

Torment suffered

But more dished out

My barbed-wire evilness

Will evilness sprout

No blood from a stone

From a stone wound you bleed

With glass-houses shattered

I’ve festered my greed

Greed for self

Greed for pain

Live to bleed

Bleed to stain

If Only

IF ONLY

Like a desert lioness protecting her cubs

You have power, strength and dependability

And while her softer side may be her fur

Yours is your heart

You have an invincible spirit

And an endearing personality

You are straightforward and honest

Yet sensitive and aware

Anyone that knows you

Is your best friend

And your best friends abound

They all love you

You are a great friend

Everything in my life has been perfect

Because it's brought me to you

I wouldn't change one step of the way

But accelerate it so I got here quicker

I hope we stay friends forever

For you are very special

I can confide in you

And would trust you to the ends of the earth

I know you feel the same way

That's probably the most we can be, though

So let's keep it like that

There's no choice

Hey You

HEY YOU

Hey you

It's me

Yeah, back on track

But not totally satisfied

If only you could see me now

You'd care

But you do anyway

Can't we go back

To what was normal?

How did we

Find ourselves here?

What I want

Can't be

So please let me stay

Your best friend

Now and always

I'd die without you

I'm not sure

I haven't already (though).

Sparky K

SPARKY K

I don't care about anything

Except how the fuck

We finish up

Our friendship is everything

How can that be jeopardised

By selfish whims?

Tempting as they are

Someone is knocking at the door

But it's not you

Everything I have is not you

Yet you are everything I desire

Right now

And always

If only the planets could align

I'd be yours

And you'd be mine

But I fear we are chasing

Castles in the sky

Unattainable Utopia

Am I J.Gatsby

Or me?

Are you and I one in the idealistic distance only?

Probably

I hope not

DD

DD

Can you imagine

Within your perfect life

That around the next corner

Is a heart-piercing knife?

The feelings that are there

Are not allowed

You can't know it

Until you've felt it.

Two hearts

Speared pentagonally

And then

By two

I'm drinking too much

But what am I numbing?

Is it what I have

Or what I can't have?

Sledgehammer blatant

To all but me

Myxomatosis my brain

If only I was a rabbit

Frank.

Ripped

My heart's ripped to shreds at present so I've written these shit poems (yeah, I KNOW, they don't rhyme) in a feeble attempt to cope...

PAIN

I'm struggling

How can I not?

My best friend, isn't anymore

She's much more than than now

How can I think of her

Any other way?

But I am

And it hurts

Badly

Cruisin' along

Close friends and confidantes

Not realising

That pull of attraction

Straining to rescue, that bond of friendship

One million thoughts

Run through the mind

Pain my temple

Unwelcome, uneasy and unprepared

Plenty to lose now

Nothing to gain

Except love

But we're already there.